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Record Review: Salicylic Reaches - The Bristle Cakes (2006)
"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." – Elvis Costello Salicylic Reaches The Bristle Cakes Whorefrost Records, 2006 9.5/10 Tilting at multiple windmills – viz., in quasi-chronological order, their underrated and commercially disastrous sophomore ... more >>
Philosophers' Strike Enters Fifth Year - No Sign of Resolution
The International Philosophers and Ethical Thinkers Union general strike, called in January 2001, is continuing with no apparent indication of a resolution according to IPETU chairman and critical theorist J�rgen ... more >>
Native Americans Divided Over Updated Spirit Names
The National Congress of American Indians (NCAI) held a heated public debate yesterday at their headquarters in Washington, DC, concerning a recent proposal to update Native American spirit names to ... more >>
 
News articles Politics articles Science & Technology articles Entertainment articles Editorial articles
Gary Coleman Celebrates 276th Birthday
Coleman: ''He'll outlast us all''
Popular American actor Gary Coleman celebrated his 276th birthday with wife Shannon Price (22) and close friends at his San Diego residence on Monday. He claims to be in remarkably good health for his age, and maintains he is "not going anywhere just yet." He is currently narrating the Discovery Channel series World's Oldest Animals.

The star rose to fame through his portrayal of Arnold Jackson in Diff'rent Strokes, a role he began at age 246. A congenital kidney disease resulting in nephritis halted his growth at an early age, allowing him to play young characters despite his advancing years.

Coleman's physician Dr. Ansel Pfeffer told The Ferret that the actor is "in tip-top condition. I've seen guys as young as 150 who don't have half of Gary's pep. He'll outlive us all!" Dr. Pfeffer, whose speciality is gerontology, also counts Robert Redford (283), Jack Nicholson (311) and Cher (477) as patients.

- by Patrick Pending (Editor-in-Chief)
Sterling Down Against Klingon Darsek, Tatooine Prunix, Sirian Fong
Despite its relative solidity on terrestrial exchanges, the pound is down against almost every other galactic currency. (The only notable exception is the Upsilon Andromedaean stoor - of which the pound is now worth 44,298,498,002,981 - but experts say this ... More >>
Big Pharma Attempts To Pass Off Worthless Time-Travel Tablet As ''Sleeping Pill''
Pharmaceuticals giant Pfizer is in serious trouble after it was revealed that the company's new 'sleeping pill' Chronozepam is in fact a worthless time-travel tablet with no soporific effect whatever. Instead, ingesting a Chronozepam dose causes the user to travel ... More >>

''There Were Six Of Them, But They Moved Fively,'' Says Bearded Madman

Porn Industry Rocked By Celibacy Scandal

Racehorse Given Whimsical Name
Racist Paedophile Only Attracted To White Children

'Dolphins For The Homeless' Scheme Scrapped After 3 Days