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Bono Unable to Take Off and Land Vertically
Bono - at least 100m
Political activist and pop vocalist Bono is not capable of landing or taking off vertically, The Ferret can reveal.

According to an unnamed source within U2's logistical staff, the singer requires at least 100m of runway to become airborne, and at least 150m to land safely. It had previously been assumed, and his PR representatives did nothing to disabuse the public of the assumption, that he was able to take off and land vertically, in the fashion of a peacock or Harrier Jump Jet.

The U2 camp issued the following press release when The Ferret confronted them with the revelation:

"We are naturally saddened that this information was released in such an underhand and unchivalrous way, but we do not intend to deny the facts. Bono cannot, nor could he ever, take off or land vertically. It must be stressed that while on no occasion did we or any other U2 representative claim that Bono did have this capability, we acknowledge that we could have done more to set the record straight in this regard."

The other members of U2 - The Edge, Larry Mullen Jnr. and Adam Clayton - do not have the power of flight.

- by Patrick Pending (Editor-in-Chief)

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