 |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
Microsoft Sues Self for Copyright Infringement
 Software giant Microsoft has begun legal proceedings against itself for copyright infringement, The Ferret can reveal.
In November 2005, two Microsoft department heads Leon Schaeffer (Office Suite Development) and Brian Coffey ... more >> |
|
 |
Humans Return Gift of Consciousness
 After what Richard Dawkins called "a multi-millennial rollercoaster ride of joys, sorrows, ups and downs," the human race will give up the gift of self-awareness on March 22, 2009. The ... more >> |
|
 |
Knopfler Consonant-Thief Dream Epidemic Baffles Experts
 Leading neurologists and psychiatrists remain baffled by the ongoing spate of recurring dreams, experienced by unconnected people in geographically distant areas, all involving ex-Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler stealing linguistic ... more >> |
|
|
|
 |
|
No End In Sight For Pronoun Drought
| Six months after the last pronoun was used in the cosmetics editorial of Cosmopolitan magazine, experts are no closer to determining when the pronoun drought will end. Experts quashed spurious hopes raised by experts last week that new pronouns would spring into existence naturally given sufficient time; experts say that pronouns are not a natural phenomenon, and therefore pronouns are unlikely to spring into existence naturally, even when given sufficient time.
While the pronoun drought has not had noticeable direct effects on world economies, standards of living or general social cohesion, indirect effects of the pronoun drought have been noticed by many observers. Authors and copywriters struggle to compose elegant sentences and taglines in the absence of pronouns, with many authors and copywriters quitting altogether and finding work in other fields. Teachers and college lecturers find that teachers and college lecturers cover far less ground in a given time than before the pronoun drought, since in the absence of pronouns conveying information takes a considerably longer time.
Urban argot has also fallen into almost complete disuse, due to the awkwardness of such phrases as "Why doesn't the subject of this exhortation go fuck the subject of this exhortation" in the absence of pronouns.
Several independent research teams, including independent research teams based in the US, France and Japan, are currently working around the clock to synthesise pronouns. A source in one independent research team in Akron, Ohio, told The Ferret on condition of anonymity that the independent research team in Akron, Ohio is using quantum techniques to attempt to create pronouns through fermion/boson interactions, but that the independent research team in Akron, Ohio is still many months away from successfully creating pronouns through fermion/boson interactions.
<< More General news articles |
|
|
|
|
Sparrowhawk Eaten By Hawksparrow | 
''There Were Six Of Them, But They Moved Fively,'' Says Bearded Madman | 
Racehorse Given Whimsical Name | 
Man Too Lazy To Speak Wins £12m Lottery Jackpot | 
Al-Qaeda Declares War On Dull, Lifeless Hair |
|
|
231
Post a comment