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Botched 'Real Boy' Operation Leaves Pinocchio Fighting For Life
Star of the classic Disney film and worldwide children's favourite Pinocchio was today in a "stable but highly critical condition" at the Santobono Hospital, Naples, after serious complications during an ... more >>
Surviving Members of The Famous Five To Face Charges of Interfering In Police Business
Almost half a century after the end of their career as junior crimefighters, the three surviving members of The Famous Five - Julian and Anne Peason, and Georgina ('George') Braithwaite ... more >>
Controversial 'Fat Pump' Scheme Gets Go-Ahead
Despite vocal opposition from within the medical community and among the public, the NHS has approved funding for Dr. Yevgeny Tam's Public Fat Pump scheme, which aims to improve the ... more >>
 
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British Rail Service Grinds to Halt as Converging Tracks Crisis Investigated
One of hundreds of photos illustrating the convergence of tracks toward the horizon on British railways
A nationwide closure of rail services came into effect late last night after shocking photographic evidence indicated that tracks all over the country were converging toward the horizon, posing grave risks of derailment and injury.

"It is outrageous, absolutely outrageous that this clearly systemic failure has gone unchecked and spread so far without notice," admitted Secretary of State for Transport Douglas Alexander, "however we must be very grateful that this evidence has come to light in time to avert major catastrophe."

The story broke when retired engineer and amateur photographer Jem Bailey of Shropshire noticed the convergence of tracks in some snaps he had taken on holiday in the Lake District. "From my engineering training I knew that the converging tracks meant a steadily decreasing gauge [perpendicular distance between tracks] - not good news for standard British rolling stock which is designed, like all trains as far as I know, to run on parallel tracks."

Bailey sent his photographs to several national newspapers and magazines, including the Ferret. The publications then sent their own photographers to investigate and the problem was unanimously confirmed.

Network Rail and the various private track operators are currently in emergency meetings in an attempt to resolve the problem. Foremost among the proposed solutions is a springloaded axle design which expands and contracts to accommodate the varying track gauge.

- by Patrick Pending (Editor-in-Chief)

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