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Wind Farm Used Breeze Labour
The Managing Director of Cefn Croes Wind Farm in Snowdonia resigned yesterday, after a whistleblower leaked damning revelations that the energy producer was using breezes as low as 10mph in ... more >>
Outcry Over Monk-In-Chowder Case Misplaced
The tide of indignation that has swept through the media folllowing the discovery last week of a Nepalese monk in a bowl of chowder at a fashionable Newcastle restaurant would ... more >>
Humans Return Gift of Consciousness
After what Richard Dawkins called "a multi-millennial rollercoaster ride of joys, sorrows, ups and downs," the human race will give up the gift of self-awareness on March 22, 2009. The ... more >>
 
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Microsoft Office Assistant Charged With Lewd Conduct
'Unsavoury suggestions'
Following a 'sting' operation undertaken by LAPD's vice squad, the Microsoft Office Assistant has been charged with lewd conduct after propositioning an undercover detective. Officer Maria Rodriguez was posing as the novelist Martin Amis in a routine operation when the incident took place. After around 38 seconds of typing words about places and people, Mr Office Assistant made an unsolicited approach towards officer Rodriguez and began making suggestive remarks and bawdy commentary.

"At one point he asked me what I wanted to do, if I needed help and if I wanted to use a tip", recalls Rodriguez.

Until the matter is resolved, Office Assistant has been suspended from duties, throwing offices worldwide into unprecedented levels of efficiency. Mr Office Assistant, who is married to the actress Renee Zellweger, was unavailable for comment, but it looks like he's writing a letter.

- by Martin Langley

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