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Microsoft Sues Self for Copyright Infringement
Software giant Microsoft has begun legal proceedings against itself for copyright infringement, The Ferret can reveal. In November 2005, two Microsoft department heads Leon Schaeffer (Office Suite Development) and Brian Coffey ... more >>
W-Ray scare in state hospitals
An unnamed whistle-blower in the NHS has claimed that some state hospitals use cheap W-ray machines instead of the safer X-ray devices in order to cut costs. The Ferret has acquired ... more >>
Universe Autistic, Claims Astropsychologist
The first graduate in Cornell University's new Astropsychology course has adduced in her PhD thesis that the universe is autistic. The paper, running to 312 single-spaced pages and including 43 ... more >>
 
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House Fire Destroys Wood, Coal
Raging: the fire that laid waste to almost £5 worth of fuel
Nuneaton, Warwickshire: A fire in the sitting-room of a suburban semi-detached house last night destroyed an estimated £4 worth of dry wood and coal. Mother-of-three Dawn Olver set the fuel alight in the room's fireplace "purely out of curiosity," not anticipating the grave consequences of her actions.

"I just put a match to it, and up it went in a matter of minutes," Olver explained to The Ferret. "Gone. Nothing left but ashes." Asked whether she would have acted differently in the light of what happened, she replied, "I deeply regret what I did. If I had another chance, I wouldn't have gone near those matches."

In the light of Mrs. Olver's full and immediate confession, and the "clearly unintentional nature of the incident," Warwickshire Police will not press charges.

Friends and neighbours of the Olvers have already set up a charity fund to replace the family's lost wood and coal. Mike Sheehan, a close friend of the family, estimates that "[the fund] should be able to replace their losses within a few days." Added Sheehan, joking: "But they won't get a twig until Dawn promises she's learned her lesson, and won't go burning anything else!"

- by Patrick Pending (Editor-in-Chief)

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