 | | Chronozepam: useless |
The ruse has escaped suspicion for several months because users assume that they have been asleep during the eight-hour interval, since they are not aware of time passing during it. The fraud was only discovered when a Lanarkshire man attempted to commit suicide by ingesting several hundred Chronozepam. He disappeared for two months, much to the distress of his family, only to reappear in the forecourt of a Motherwell petrol station wearing only the underwear he had on when he swallowed the pills.
Pfizer were unavailable to comment on the scandal. Piers Havelock from the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) called the episode "an utterly shameful piece of commercial casuistry, in which Big Pharma rakes in the cash and the patients continue to suffer." Does Chronozepam have any application at all? "None that I can see," said Havelock, "it doesn't even work as a date-rape drug."
Pfizer have withdrawn the useless time-travel pills from circulation, and advised GPs to stop prescribing them.
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