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Digging in the dirt since 2004

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Queen Mother's Death Postponed For 5 Years

Details of a bizarre cover up by the British government and Royal family came to light yesterday when it was revealed that HRH Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother died some ... more >>

Eccentric Tycoon Spends £7m Retouching Das Boot To Feature Damon Albarn In Starring Role

Anglia-based millionaire Kenneth Medawar has commissioned a version of Wolfgang Petersen's 1981 war epic Das Boot in which the likeness of Juergen Prochnow, who plays benighted Submarine Captain Lehmann-Willenbrock, will ... more >>

Masturbation Is Gay, Says Health Report
A report by the American Public Health Association (APHA), to be reprinted in the British Medical Journal (Spring 2005), has concluded that masturbation is gay. "It is self-evident that an act ... more >>

Native Americans Divided Over Updated Spirit Names

Washes Plates Thoroughly: Supporter

The National Congress of American Indians (NCAI) held a heated public debate yesterday at their headquarters in Washington, DC, concerning a recent proposal to update Native American spirit names to reflect modern culture. After the idea was suggested by Weequahic tribal elder Spurns Antidepressants Until All Other Therapeutic Avenues Have Been Exhausted, it has garnered vocal support and opposition.

Many influential elders sanctioned the Weequahic maverick's proposal, including Sioux leader Rinses Plates Thoroughly and Cherokee medicine man Considers Cosmetic Surgery To Be Worthwhile But Only In Cases Of Extreme Disfigurement.

Opponents claimed that the policy risks ridicule, confusion and compromised privacy. They cited the example of Seattle-based carpenter Tips Five Percent At Most, who cannot get good service at cafés or restaurants. In rebuttal, Minneapolis-resident Shawnee tribesman Chief Executive Officer, who is indeed the Chief Executive Officer of a small enamelling concern, claimed that he has never been happier.

Are you or do you know a Native American who has updated his or her spirit name? If so, we'd like to know. Just use the comments tab below to post your spirit names.