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Senior Angel Resigns After Marketing Executive Found In Heaven
 Minister for Celestial Admissions Iachadiel resigned yesterday after multilateral pressure from the Holy Trinity of Christianity, the Jewish God and Islamic Allah. The resignation comes on the heels of the ... more >> |
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Record Review: Salicylic Reaches - The Bristle Cakes (2006)
 "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." – Elvis Costello
Salicylic Reaches
The Bristle Cakes
Whorefrost Records, 2006
9.5/10
Tilting at multiple windmills – viz., in quasi-chronological order, their underrated and commercially disastrous sophomore ... more >> |
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Wind Chill Factor, Thermal Energy Cancel Out, Leave Burning Man Strapped to Airbus Fuselage at 'Comfortable Room Temperature'
 In a daring experiment to illustrate the interaction of thermodynamic properties, Danish engineer Per Woym had himself doused in kerosene, set alight and strapped to the nosecone of an SAS ... more >> |
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Wind Farm Used Breeze Labour
| The Managing Director of Cefn Croes Wind Farm in Snowdonia resigned yesterday, after a whistleblower leaked damning revelations that the energy producer was using breezes as low as 10mph in its workforce. On the eve of his resignation MD Worrall Fisher wrote, "someone must take responsibility for this breach of ethics, and it falls on me as the executive officer to do so. To both the wind and human communities, I apologise unreservedly."
An undercover investigation by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Gusts and Flurries (RSPCGF) revealed that at one time in 2006 over 45% of the winds used to power the turbines were at speeds less than 15mph, half the legal minimum of 30mph established by the Dusseldorf Accord on the Rights of Turbulence.
"I am thankful that we managed to expose this scandal," RSPCGF's Renée Bascombe told The Ferret, "and prevent the further exploitation of underpowered gusts. But it is a sign of how endemic our lack of concern for the welfare of wafts and drafts has become, that such exploitation went undiscovered for several years."
A new boss has yet to be named, but the wind farm's WR department has already removed all sub-30mph breezes from its payroll and put into place "a strict policy of accurately measuring windspeed at time of application."
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Man Too Lazy To Speak Wins £12m Lottery Jackpot |
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