 | | Dr. Henrietta Nelson: ''You put the lime in the coconut.'' |
WEILL CORNELL MEDICAL CENTER, N.Y.: At a jubilant press conference yesterday, a team of delighted immunologists announced they had discovered the medical holy grail: a complete cure for AIDS. Containing only lime and coconut — cheap and readily available raw materials — the cure for the killer disease has been 100% effective in clinical trials, and improvement is said to be seen in as little as 8 hours.
Dr. Henrietta Nelson, spokesperson for the group, confirmed that all stages of AIDS, as well as its precursor HIV, can be cured with a lime, placed in a coconut. "Basically, you put the lime in the coconut," Dr. Nelson explained, "and drink them both up." The ingredients are cheap (in some areas costing only 10 cents apiece), and no medical expertise is necessary to administer the treatment.
The cure is based on the interaction of citric acid (present in high concentration in limes) with potassium ions in the coconut's endosperm, which on ingestion subtly alters the metabolic 'Krebs cycle' in the host such that the immunodeficiency virus is unable to replicate itself within infected cells.
"You put the lime in the coconut," reiterated Dr. Nelson over thunderous applause from the 200-strong attendees at this momentous event, "and then you feel better."
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