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British Rail Service Grinds to Halt as Converging Tracks Crisis Investigated
 A nationwide closure of rail services came into effect late last night after shocking photographic evidence indicated that tracks all over the country were converging toward the horizon, posing grave ... more >> |
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W-Ray scare in state hospitals
 An unnamed whistle-blower in the NHS has claimed that some state hospitals use cheap W-ray machines instead of the safer X-ray devices in order to cut costs.
The Ferret has acquired ... more >> |
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Native Americans Divided Over Updated Spirit Names
 The National Congress of American Indians (NCAI) held a heated public debate yesterday at their headquarters in Washington, DC, concerning a recent proposal to update Native American spirit names to ... more >> |
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Science/Technology
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Video of Cat Solving World Financial Crisis Uploaded to YouTube
Video footage of a 3-year-old cat named 'Puffball' solving the world's economic crisis has been posted to the YouTube website, The Ferret can reveal.
Puffball, owned by Ariel Fischer (13) of Calumet City, Illinois, is shown using a combination of Bayesian probability calculus, socio-anthropological arguments, and (perhaps most remarkably) a modified ...
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Lime, Coconut Cure AIDS
WEILL CORNELL MEDICAL CENTER, N.Y.: At a jubilant press conference yesterday, a team of delighted immunologists announced they had discovered the medical holy grail: a complete cure for AIDS. Containing only lime and coconut — cheap and readily available raw materials — the cure for the killer disease has been ...
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Scientists Abandon Quest to Discover Where Sun Goes At Night
It ranks as one of the most perplexing mysteries science has yet to uncover, and has racked inquiring minds for millennia. It happens every day, we can predict its timing to the millisecond, and yet the scientific community has failed to fully explain where the sun goes at night.
Despite a ...
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Universe Autistic, Claims Astropsychologist
The first graduate in Cornell University's new Astropsychology course has adduced in her PhD thesis that the universe is autistic. The paper, running to 312 single-spaced pages and including 43 diagrams and 31 graphs, uses a multidisciplinarian approach to show that the cosmos has profound cognitive and communicative abnormalities consistent ...
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Passive Sunburn A Growing Risk
A panel of experts has warned that the risks of passive sunburn are increasing steadily as the cosmetics industry researches more and more sophisticated sun-blocking technologies.
Passive sunburn occurs when a sunbather wears a cream with a higher sun protection factor (SPF) than his or her neighbours. Ultra-violet rays from the ...
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Internet Subsidence Could Worsen, Experts Warn
The Internet, which is already listing at an angle of about 3 degrees to the horizontal, could subside even more, experts have warned at the Annual W3C Convention in San Francisco last week.
"The rate of slippage is imperceptible to most home users," explained Cisco Strategies Manager Henry Wo, "but that ...
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Sarcastic Number Discovered
Professor Barney Kirsch of UC Berkeley, California, has discovered the first sarcastic number, the university announced yesterday. The number, 44,298,498,002,981, has several remarkable characteristics which independent experts have confirmed strongly suggest that it is sarcastic in nature. More contentious is Kirsch's claim that this is the lowest such number. He ...
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Microsoft Sues Self for Copyright Infringement
Software giant Microsoft has begun legal proceedings against itself for copyright infringement, The Ferret can reveal.
In November 2005, two Microsoft department heads Leon Schaeffer (Office Suite Development) and Brian Coffey (Games and Accessory Applications) independently hit upon the name 'Colleague' for new software products their respective departments were developing. The ...
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| Racist Paedophile Only Attracted To White Children | 
O.J. Simpson's DNA Found In Own Semen | 
New Range Of Perspirant-Odorants Targets "Dirty Old Pound" | 
World's Oldest Child Throws Tantrum In Nursing Home | 
'Spectacles, Tentacles, Wallet And Watch,' Remembers Christian Octopus |
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