Close this ad
231
Digging in the dirt since 2004 About | Submit | Contact
Crackdown on eBay Organ Sales
While conceding that the practice is not strictly illegal, eBay has altered its policies to prohibit the selling of human organs on its websites. They have vowed to remove all current ... more >>
Wind Farm Used Breeze Labour
The Managing Director of Cefn Croes Wind Farm in Snowdonia resigned yesterday, after a whistleblower leaked damning revelations that the energy producer was using breezes as low as 10mph in ... more >>
Native Americans Divided Over Updated Spirit Names
The National Congress of American Indians (NCAI) held a heated public debate yesterday at their headquarters in Washington, DC, concerning a recent proposal to update Native American spirit names to ... more >>
 
News articles Politics articles Science & Technology articles Entertainment articles Editorial articles
Video of Cat Solving World Financial Crisis Uploaded to YouTube
Puffball: used combination of Bayesian probability, anthropological arguments and innovative repurposing of fluid dynamics equations
Video footage of a 3-year-old cat named 'Puffball' solving the world's economic crisis has been posted to the YouTube website, The Ferret can reveal.

Puffball, owned by Ariel Fischer (13) of Calumet City, Illinois, is shown using a combination of Bayesian probability calculus, socio-anthropological arguments, and (perhaps most remarkably) a modified form of the Navier-Stokes equations for fluid dynamics to set forth and justify a five-year intra- and international fiscal plan which purports definitively to resolve the weakness and instability currently plaguing the world's economies.

Claudio Albanese, visiting Professor in Financial Mathematics at King's College London, told the Ferret that he is "stunned, humbled and profoundly impressed" by the ingenuity and rigour of Puffball's thesis. "There are some technical issues that need to be ironed out," Prof. Albanese continued, "but overall this is excellent work. The application of the modified Navier-Stokes methods, effectively treating the world economy as a fluid body analogous to real-world liquids, borders on genius."

His approbation is echoed by most of the academic community. Fischer, asked by Fox News what made her decide to film and upload Puffball's unusual behaviour, replied that the pet was "just like too cute, working out all those problems and whatever. I totally had to show [friends] Didi [Diane Nguyen] and Elaine [Gosford] what he was up to, it was like oh my god, I knew they'd just totally freak out."

The 4-minute video is available in both normal and high-quality mode, and since being uploaded less than 12 hours ago has already attracted over 200 comments, including "lol sooooooo adorabel xxxxxxxxxxx (mittens20911)", "wtf bitch dat cat is fukt UP (heman_wdc4eva)" and "nice site! Che@p c1Al1s here www.linktracker.com/sja8776ah (williamobede34)."

Watch the video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBO2U7SZ5qs

- by Patrick Pending (Editor-in-Chief)
300 Landmines A Day Destroyed By Careless Children
(Editorial by Patrick Pending) The factsheet released this quarter by the ICBL makes for a sobering read: over 300 landmines, cluster bombs and anti-personnel mines are destroyed every day by careless children wandering into the minefields of Afghanistan, Cambodia, Laos, Angola, ... More >>
Lime, Coconut Cure AIDS
WEILL CORNELL MEDICAL CENTER, N.Y.: At a jubilant press conference yesterday, a team of delighted immunologists announced they had discovered the medical holy grail: a complete cure for AIDS. Containing only lime and coconut — cheap and readily available raw ... More >>

Commuter Chaos: London Underground Contracts Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

'Dolphins For The Homeless' Scheme Scrapped After 3 Days

'Spectacles, Tentacles, Wallet And Watch,' Remembers Christian Octopus

Porn Industry Rocked By Celibacy Scandal

Boy Survives Plane Crash By Falling Onto Other Plane